The Universe will implode at midnight if a teenager's smartphone is not recovered, it has emerged. Cosmologists warned today that the 'Big Crunch' is highly likely unless a Samsung Galaxy J3 can be returned to a deeply tormented adolescent.
"Emma White's prolongued inactivity on social media will eventually cause galaxy collapse, culminating in a supermassive black hole," said a leading theoretical physicist at CERN. "The estimated lifespan of the Sun is no longer 5 billion years. It might be 5 hours. We must find that phone."
According to experts, the ramifications of a 17 year-old's unseen Whatsapp messages have also become inextricably linked to the ultimate fate of the cosmos.
"Don't bloody look at me. I'm not paying for a new one," said Emma's father, Ian, outside his daughter's bedroom. "She's inconsolable in there," he continued. "It's like her world is about to end...hang on a minute, what's that rumbling noise?"
Emma's phone was later found under the sofa. It had zero Whatsapp messages but one missed call from Nanny Pat, who had said she wanted Channel 4.