Deserted office workstations have now become the norm for many organisations as workers continue to find sanctuary in toilet cubicles. After an extensive survey on corporate life was published last week, the reason for this mass exodus has finally become clear: employees wish to spend longer periods of time alone on their smartphones. With such high demand some companies have even resorted to publishing cubicle waiting times on their intranet. The findings proved what most middle managers have always feared: bowel movements are being used as a cover for unbridled social media activity.
An IT developer, who did not want to be named, commented "I spend up to 6 hours a day away from my desk. My diary is brimming with bogus internal meetings and sham workshops. If necessary I will put an 'out of order' sign on the disabled toilet door and lock myself away. Yesterday I had 12 Facebook notifications, 7 Whatsapp messages, 3 Tinder matches and an invitation to play Pet Rescue Saga. Do you expect me to get through this backlog at my desk? Well do you?"
As productivity worsens business owners are trying to find novel ways of coaxing staff back to their desks. To render the seated position ineffective, the UK Chartered Management Institute suggests replacing western models with Asian style squat toilets.