UK baby naming laws 'too liberal', warn Jamie Oliver's children

Following the arrival of Jamie and Jools Oliver's fifth child, their oldest daughter Poppy Honey Rosie, has pleaded with her parents to give him a single, monosyllabic, and common name such as 'John'. She asked why her younger brother was unforgivably called 'Buddy Bear Maurice' when Daddy got away so lightly with 'Jamie'. Her younger sister, Daisy Boo Pamela, has also raised concerns about the freedom of celebrity parents to choose such gut-wrenchingly ludicrous names.

"I was named after a My Little Pony toy," said their youngest daughter, Petal Blossom Rainbow. "When I grow up I want to be a lawyer so I can sue my parents for millions of pounds, and then send them to a mental care health home. Mummy says that my names are nobody else's business, but she's not being bullied in the playground. Sometimes I wish I was a caterpillar."

42 year-old mother-of-5, Mrs Oliver, continues to be unapologetic when questioned about her baby naming approach. The irony of feeling riled by 'bitchy Mumsnet trolls', whilst her children are subjected to derision and mockery, appears to escape her.

5 year-old Buddy Bear Maurice commented, "I don't mind my name because bears are super cool. But Daddy's food is disgusting. Yuck! And why does dinner always take so f**king long? I wish we only had to wait 30 minutes. I like it best when Mummy makes turkey twizzlers."

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