Toddlers4Justice, a charitable trust set up by potty-trainee Dylan Smith, has solicited the counsel of Geoffrey Robertson QC to determine if a toddler's right to a private life is being violated on social media. Facebook photos continue to appear daily, without permission or justification, and this wanton parental disregard for child privacy could now be challenged through the courts. Some of Britain's most politically active young minds have helped to organise protests inside nurseries up and down the country. A fundamentalist group at a pre-school in Chester even refused to eat their gingerbread biscuits at break time. The hunger strike lasted for 7 whole minutes.

George Tomkins, a 2 year-old activist who always had a preference for formula milk, complained, "The past couple of years have been really trying. All I want is some dignity. Dad posted 20 photos of me and my new birthday toy last week. God knows why. It's just a piece of plastic crap with no utility. When will our parents realise that consumerism is a myth? It's the craving that is the problem. He continued, "Right, are we playing in the sand pit now? Oh no wait...I think I've shit myself again."

Toddlers argue they have been subjected to an unending photographic onslaught, and subsequent online circus, since the day of expulsion from their mother's uterus. The struggle for justice, however, has been protracted due to the length of afternoon naps and internal disputes over crayon allocation.

The Toddlers4Justice annual conference was recently held at the Treasure Chest Soft Play Centre in Crawley. The leader concluded his speech, after a swift nappy change, with a very clear message to parents everywhere, "I'm undeniably cute and adorable. I get that. I achieve hundreds of Facebook likes. I get that too. But I'm not a performing seal. I'm a human being."

Dylan then waddled over to the inflatable bouncy rope bridge to warn other toddlers that play was restricted to 90 minutes during peak times.