A group of disgruntled school children from Kent has protested the headteacher’s decision to allow the parents of 5 year-old, Jonty Wilson, to take him on a term-time holiday. The pupils of form 2C at Dover Primary quickly mobilised to form a large human chain in the playground, following covert deliberations in Miss Kilby’s maths class. The protestors, all aged between 5 and 6 years, chanted and cried in unison, as break duty staff fled for cover in the dining hall. Some child demonstrators had even produced large banners, which read ‘Primary education MATTERS’, ‘He’ll NEVER catch up on his sums’, and ‘JUSTICE FOR JONTY’.

“We know for a fact that he didn’t want to go to Disneyworld,” said best friend Sam, after calling Tommy a poo-head for not wanting to hold his hand. “Especially when he’s going to miss out on making a paper mache panda mask tomorrow. His parents are pure evil. Don’t they understand the importance of seeing Billy wet himself during assembly? Jonty’s life is over. He’ll be in youth detention by Christmas.”

A recent High Court ruling, which supported a father’s decision to take his daughter on unauthorised leave, notably failed to summon testimonies from any child between the ages of 5 and 7 – a decision branded an ‘utter disgrace’ by a prominent 6 year-old child rights activist.

“The purpose of education is to free us all from the prejudices of our parents,” roared school ringleader Timmy, as he defiantly strode along his line of playground troops like Braveheart’s William Wallace. “FREEEDDOOOMMM!!!” he continued, as the battalion began to march on the headteacher’s office. 

“Can I get a biscuit and some milk now?” Timmy asked wearily on arrival, before asking to see the nurse.