Pope agrees to cover God's first holiday in 2000 years

In another momentous act of humility and grace, Pope Francis has confirmed that he will work 24/7 to enable the Lord to take a 2-week break from planet Earth. The one true God had earlier revealed that he was "in the midst of a celestial crisis and tired of dealing with the puny sins of humankind". He bemoaned not taking one day of annual leave since organising the welcome party for His Son into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Pope Francis was initially unsure whether it would be the Father, the Son or the Holy Spirit on vacation. This was clarified in a further revelation pertaining to a 'family holiday near a giant star'. The pontiff also had concerns about the scope of his interim role considering the size of the Universe. His fears were allayed by a divine message that all 100 billion galaxies had extra-terrestrial support staff in place. As a promotional incentive, the Pope would be granted extra powers to make Final Judgements. However, he would not have the authority to trigger earthquakes or heal blindness.

The Pope asked followers to pray responsibly during the fortnight so that he was not bombarded with trivial matters such as "resurrecting a dead hamster" or "making Grandma go to sleep forever".

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