Parents condone genocide to secure first-choice school for offspring

Survey results, published by Mumsnet, have today revealed the truly murderous depths to which prospective school parents would go. The thought-provoking questionnaire sampled 1,000 anxious mothers and fathers of pre-school children across London. To the question ‘Can mass murder be justified when competing for the best state schools in your borough?’, 96% of respondents said ‘Yes’, and 3% said ‘Not sure’. Other challenging questions included “Is it morally permissible to torture the playground bully’s father?”, and “Does smacking work better when sober?”. 

One respondent commented, “The systematic destruction of an ethnic, religious or local parenting group doesn’t seem quite so upsetting if it means my daughter gets a place at Weybridge High. We’ve just spent over £2m to buy a rather modest house in the catchment area. So the wholesale slaughter of local families isn’t really something that I lose sleep over. It’s all relative."

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