Narcissist terrorised by vision of life without Facebook

An egomaniac’s sleep has been destroyed by nightmares of a world without social media. Stacey Parker, 25, felt ‘technostressed’ enough to share a photo of herself online, wearing silk lingerie and pouting aggressively. Her tagline read: ‘Worst nightmare ever.’ The post received 284 likes and friends were quick to respond with comments such as “What’s up babe? You look hot”, and “PM me honey. Just LOVE your underwire bra.”

“It was horrific,” began Stacey, after editing her status update to include: #nofilter #sexyselfie. “I was in a busy pub, and everybody was just talking, listening and then talking again. I wanted to check-in, share a photo of my drink on Instagram, and methodically review my newsfeed, but I couldn’t find my smartphone. Luckily, I woke up when an ex-boyfriend snapchatted me a photo of his penis. He’ll never know how much that meant to me.”

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