Interplanetary refugee crisis looms if Trump becomes President

According to the latest opinion polls, Earth's human population is destined to irrevocably diminish if Donald Trump enters the White House in 2017. Today's findings can reveal that 6.8 billion citizens would demand relocation to another planet if the Republican nominee wins the US Presidential election next January; this would inevitably trigger the first interplanetary refugee crisis known to humankind. Other members of the animal kingdom, such as chimpanzees and seals, have engaged in playful behaviour considered supportive of a mass exodus. The earth-shattering news appears to be vindication of the stark alternatives that UN leader, Ban Ki-moon, had earlier announced to nation states: "either we colonise another planet or terminate the species."

A handful of eminent biologists have reluctantly stated preference for species extinction due to fears of the kind of mammal which could mutate from a Trump-producing genome. They claim that evolution by natural selection, although capable of producing Albert Einstein and Craig David, should no longer be trusted - especially when it culminates in a potential world leader boasting that he knows 'big words'. Although a UN resolution for all-out nuclear war is now unlikely, North Korean teletubby Kim Jong-Un has expressed an overt willingness to launch the first missile.

The race is now on to find habitable planets with conditions favourable to support disgruntled Earth refugees. Outgoing President Obama has speculated upon a new opportunity to stabilise Middle East tensions by ensuring that Scandinavian countries are repositioned as buffer zones. 

Finally, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that he would demand an entire planet solely for the Jewish people. This follows a modern interpretation of Old Testament scripture whereby divinely appointed real estate can be traced to exoplanet 'Kepler-62f' rather than the land of Israel.

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