A mentally unstable and violent young woman has claimed on her Internet dating profile that she ‘just does not take life too seriously’. 25 year-old Emma Jones from London further reveals that she loves to laugh, works hard but plays harder, loves to travel, enjoys going out but also staying in, and seeks a ‘partner in crime who is at least 6ft’. This torrent of optimistic clichés comes despite the fact that she has recently been convicted on 3 counts of grievous bodily harm. She also continues to remain housebound under electronically tagged curfew.
“My friends say I’m really down-to-earth and SO easy-going!” Emma remarked after placing her cat in the microwave. “I also love going to the pub but am just as happy with a DVD and a glass of wine. I’m a big fan of banter too. So watch out boys!”
Emma completed her profile by stating that she enjoys ‘long walks on the beach at sunset’, presumably to put an axe through your skull.