Geneticists confirm that Harry Styles is the pinnacle of evolution
After 3.5 billion years of life on planet Earth, advancing from single-celled protozoa to higher primate specimens such as Ed Miliband, a leading team of scientists has empirically verified that evolution has arrived at its ultimate goal. Extensive genetic testing carried out on One Direction's Harry Styles has revealed that 'deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) does not get better than this'.
Professor Keith Russell of the Genetic Research Institute explained: "Usually DNA molecules are composed of the bases A, C, T, and G. But in Harry's double helix we also found a hashtag, a 1, and a D. It's an extraordinary development. If Charles Darwin was alive today he would have been Harry's biggest fan."
Publishers have now decided to reprint 'On the Origin of Species' but with a concluding section about Harry's rise to stardom and pictures from One Direction's 2015 World Tour. A promotional video will also feature the group performing their latest single "She digs my genome" on HMS Beagle in the Galapagos islands.
Author of the Selfish Gene, Richard Dawkins commented "We used to think that humans had no purpose except to continue. How mistaken we were. We now understand that natural selection has been pitilessly sequenced to culminate in an X Factor boot camp survivor."
There was, however, a sobering conclusion to the findings. Some experts fear that evolution has already started to reverse, citing evidence in the chimp-like features of Wayne Rooney's son Kai.