In tense and confrontational scenes today at an engineering business in Runcorn, 22 year-old graduate Ben Parker was found guilty of 4 significant errors in preparing a 7-person tea round. The mistakes triggered such alarm because Ben was on the company's fast-track scheme and widely considered to be a future managing director. His employment at the firm had coincided with the redundancy of tea lady, Margaret Staunton, who had worked at Jacobs Engineering for 27 years.
62 year-old institutionalised employee, John Turner, who likes his tea strong, felt so aggrieved with his mug of 'milky piss' that he ordered Ben to make all 7 drinks from scratch. John told us:
"The moronic little shitbag couldn't even remember that Barry uses his own special mug or that Alan takes 6 sugars. To top things off he forgot to add Irene's sweetener. What planet do these graduates live on? Who do they think they are? I wanted to throttle him but you can't do that nowadays. And I couldn't face another tribunal. Not at my age."
Ben responded, "I spend 4 years at Uni studying mechanical engineering to be told by a bunch of tea Nazis that I'm incompetent. The other grads are referring to it as 'Teagate' but I'm not laughing because John wants it included in my appraisal. And I'm fed up of hearing about Margaret and her homemade shortbread."
Irene concluded, "I hate it when the waiter doesn't write down your order and you get a lamb shank instead of an espresso. I guess it felt a bit like that. Nice boy though."