Dogs no longer for life, just for Christmas

To make the nation think twice about long-term dog ownership, puppies can now be rented out during the festive period. According to the Dog’s Trust, a canine can be hired for the wow-factor and for the short-term, and would be considered a toy, rather than an animal, under new RSPCA guidelines. A new government-funded marketing campaign encourages parents to acquire Christmas dogs on a whim, safe in the knowledge that their children’s waning interest will coincide with a transparent returns policy.

“For busy parents and their fickle pet-loving children, this is the perfect solution,” said Mark Hatton of the Blue Cross animal welfare charity. “The dog can be gifted in a box on Christmas morning, with a bow around its neck, but families will no longer need to learn about keeping it safe and happy. It’s a win-win situation. If your kids are clamouring for a pet, you can now rush into making a decision, knowing that your post-Christmas skiing holiday will not have to result in expensive boarding kennels. Indeed, your household will be dog shit-free again by the first week of January.”

Pet shops across the UK have now reversed their ‘no-adoption December’ policies, and some businesses are already offering heavily discounted rental rates in the build up to Christmas. To benefit from the expected surge in demand, Deliveroo has also announced plans to both distribute from and return dogs to rescue centres and rehoming shelters. A spokesperson for the London-based start up said that ‘packaging will depend on size and breed, and all drivers will be heavily armed with pooper scoopers’.

Clarissa Baldwin, CEO of the Dogs Trust commented, “We wanted to do some good and change people’s perceptions. People love dogs, and I think people get the message that this is a sentient creature. It follows that every man’s best friend should understand why we are not yet offering hire purchase.”

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