Cat exhibits 'first signs of fascism'

A cat has been manifesting worrying signs of radical authoritarian behaviour, symptomatic of a fascist dictator in early 20th century Europe. The ultra-territorial tabby, regrettably named Mussolini, has been scratching furniture and clawing humans in a manner bearing all the hallmarks of a right-wing nationalist autocrat. 

Owners, Mark and Claire Peters, have reluctantly surrendered to an oppressive system of domestication, which requires complete subservience to the cat's every whim.

"Living under a feline totalitarian regime can be brutal," said Mark, after profusely apologising to his master for attempting unwanted physical contact. "Every aspect of my life is regulated by a despotic carnivorous mammal with deceptively soft fur and menacing retractile claws. The tyrant hides in dark places to watch me, brings dead animals to my wife and paws at our faces whilst we sleep. I think he's plotting a massacre."

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