Baby on Board cheat buckles under scrutiny
In a devastating blow to fraudulent mums-to-be everywhere, 32 year-old Teresa Parker, was today handed a life sentence for faking a pregnancy on the London Underground. The deplorable scam was detected as she hovered near a seated male traveller, and buckled under intense scrutiny when being offered his seat. To the horror of other passengers on the Victoria line, her silicone belly prosthetic then began to unravel.
At Reading Crown Court during his closing statement, the Judge condemned the duplicity as a ‘metaphorically vicious attack on the freedom of unallocated seating’.
Victim commuter, Michael Buxton, gave us his account:
“If I’m completely honest I always get pissed off when I see one of those ‘Baby on Board’ badges. Especially when I’ve just sat down. I employ a highly developed trench warfare strategy to guarantee myself a seat, so it’s always difficult to capitulate. This morning, in particular, was made worse, because I’d treated myself to a Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino, and was down to the last page of John Prescott’s hypnotic autobiography.”
He continued, “When I saw the attacker she genuinely looked like the real deal - badge prominently displayed, hair tied back, and bump surrounded by numerous bags to convey suffering. I was secretly praying that another passenger would step up and take one for the team, but the spineless bastards all kept their heads down. Rather than simply offer the seat I decided to ask a few pointed questions including the precise stage of foetal development and the father’s star sign. She was utterly flummoxed, and started to shift awkwardly. That’s when the bogus abdomen started to disengage.”
The interrogation and subsequent arrest of the perpetrator was then given a standing ovation by other commuters. Our hero, however, thought this was the height of hypocrisy.
Before leaving the carriage he berated them, “Well you’re all standing up now aren’t you?! Mind the bloody gap when you get off.”