A dispirited young mother would rather be alone all day with a few bottles of wine, it has been revealed. 26 year-old Sarah White cares for 7 month-old Abbie and 2 year-old Tom, whilst her husband pretends to look busy in an office. Despite societal pressures to cherish early motherhood, she would actually prefer to be drinking excessive amounts of Sauvignon Blanc. Being a parent, she argues, is simply not as rewarding as a full flavoured white with some sweet melon notes.

Sarah joins a growing number of people who would swap parenthood for daytime drinking at the first opportunity. Some mums and dads have attempted to do both, but this has led to unnecessary intervention from child protection services and the police.

“I look at the number of toys in our house and wish they could be replaced with bottles of ethanol” remarked Sarah longingly as she gazed at an empty wine rack. “I’m forced to love my children because of something called biology, but deep down I resent them. It might sound callous, but I would readily exchange Abbie and Tom for 1o litres of fermented grape juice.”