34 year-old Colin Parker was surprised to discover that his wife, Lucy Parker, could condemn her parents with impunity, but that he should restrain from making any derogatory remark. Following a 13-minute rant in which Lucy berated her Mum’s nagging about future grandchildren and her Dad’s problem with whiskey, his insightful comments to support those complaints were regarded as sheer wanton abuse.

Colin said, “She was really kicking off at the pair of them, and I’d only just got home from work. I switched off after a couple of minutes…all I could think about was if we had time to eat before the football started. But I’ve learned to nod, and say ‘poor you’ when she pauses for breath. I was trying to be empathetic, so I said her Mum needed new friends and that her Dad was technically an alcoholic. I guess it was a mistake. She went ballistic, threw a mug in my face and said that sex was cancelled for 6 weeks. When I accused her of being a hypocrite and too defensive she extended it to 12.”

Lucy responded, “I don’t know why I bother. I’ve never complained about his self-righteous, condescending cow of a mother. Then there’s the father with a permanent chip on his shoulder because my parents earn about 100 times more. Perhaps he should have tried harder at school. That’s if he actually went to one. Then there’s the mollycoddled younger sister who thinks obesity is a disease. And don’t get me started on that twat of a brother who still plays video games. He’s 42.”

She finally added “But I’d never say anything.”