In a rare act of courageous defiance, a South London-based bookkeeper was resolute in declaring to colleagues that he did not have a boring weekend. Rather than repeat the polite and conventional phrase, "Just had a quiet one", 36 year-old Colin Bamford, instead, spoke at length about a significant number of social activities including Ultimate Frisbee, a cocktail masterclass and dining 'in the dark'.

Team member, Sarah Platt, told us "People seldom talk on a Monday morning because everyone seems so visibly depressed. I usually spend the first hour contemplating suicide in the stationery cupboard. We communicate via frowns and grunts until about 2pm when we decide who had the healthiest lunch. That's why Colin's outburst at 9am was so shocking and so cruel." 

In his defence, Colin countered "I tried to prepare them by updating Facebook relentlessly with clever one-liners like 'It's cocktail o'clock'. And I accidentally punched a young girl in the face so I posted a photo of the aftermath with the hashtag #FrisbeeBantz. It was seriously funny. If they're not going to check my status regularly then what kind of work friends are they?"

However, the officer receptionist refuted the claims, "I knew it was all bollocks when he said that he went out for dinner on Sunday night. I mean who does that?"