A brave man is defying the ultimate futility of human existence through repetitive bicep curls. 33 year-old Mark Goodall continues to question the shaky foundations upon which his life is built; he is therefore responding to negative thoughts by getting ripped in the gym, and by following the workout routine of Wolverine’s Hugh Jackman. His sense of cosmic loneliness and of feeling ‘condemned to freedom’ are being vanquished through regular gym sessions to build lean muscle mass.

“Every day, I find renewed meaning in raising and lowering dumbbells,” said Mark, prior to kissing his biceps in the mirror. “We are all empowered to choose the parameters of our existence. Would you rather scream into the abyss of despair with meticulously sculpted guns or howl eternally into the void with loose flabby skin? You must ask yourself that question. I asked 5 years ago, and the cosmic angst in my life has since been crushed via the gym weights rack. I just don’t feel alone anymore.”

Psychological studies reveal that muscle-clad gymbots discover more purpose in life than the most pious of believers. Advocates of weight-based training classes, such as ‘BodyPump’, argue that they deliver a superior form of ‘body worship’, especially when compared to Holy Communion.

“If you really want to pursue a life worth living then bulk up your arms,” concluded Mark, before intravenously administering a whey protein shake into his jugular.